just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
two words...techno handjob
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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