Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
