You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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