That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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