why didn't you poke me back
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
