I just saw a hot homeless man
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
