Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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