Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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