I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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