the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
