Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
