My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
