I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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