He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
