you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
