Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
