Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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