Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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