A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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