i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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