I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
