I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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