this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
