Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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