My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
