when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
