So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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