Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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