Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
