I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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