Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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