So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
