I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
