Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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