Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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