put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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