You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
