Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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