You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
