Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
