just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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