It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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