Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
