I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
