I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
