he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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