Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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