All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
