if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
