I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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