i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
