I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
