Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
