Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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